Steeling Their Courage

Click on the title of this post to connect to a wonderful story from the Boston Globe on how steel workers on the new center at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute are connecting to the pediatric cancer patients watching from their windows across the way.

For me the story highlights many wonderful truths; how easy it is to give courage to someone, the power of the written word, especially our own names and the value of human connection (more on those later).

A couple of days ago a good friend relayed a happy hour conversation about me and my ability to poke, prod, wheedle and coax people out of their comfort zones to accomplish things they never knew they could, all while making it a comfortable or pleasant experience. (I'm paraphrasing... maybe embellishing.) What made me happy about the comment was the last part, that challenging people to reach for all that I see inside them, isn't a negative experience for them. It certainly isn’t for me.

Giving someone courage is as easy as communicating your confidence that they are capable of enduring, overcoming, achieving or winning the challenge before them. Your opinion of whether they will or won't, whether it will be hard or painful is not relevant - but simply communicating that you know they are capable, that they can – well – it often has a huge effect. That's all most people need to know to find it within themselves the motivation to move forward. To see that such a simple small act on our part can help others achieve great and difficult tasks - that feels really, really good.

The picture at the top of this post is of two close friends just after their first 10K race last April. Don’t they look genuinely happy? Amy had had the 10K in her sights for a while, I’m sure, when I suggested it a month before. Mike, on the other hand, had no such foolish illusions. In our conversations about running, what I did sense within him, though, was that he didn’t really feel tested with the 5Ks he’d been doing for years. That he knew he was capable of more. That’s all I needed to see to ‘encourage’ him to try it. I’ll bet he tells a different story about my methods, but as it has come to pass, he also finished his first half-marathon last year and still doesn't feel he has reached his limit. (I'm not surprised at all.) And you know what that means, right Mike?

Wayde’s inaugural 5K was out in Sedona a few weeks ago and Jason’s is coming up in March and I’m just thrilled every time one of the dozens that I’ve encouraged to run crosses the finish line. I share in their celebration. Not just of their running, but of their willingness to test themselves, test their limits. It becomes addicting, seeing just what you are capable of, and maybe even trying something, you had always dreamt of, or had never dared to dream of... Its a beautiful thing to watch unfold in the lives of your friends and loved ones.

I don't think I have any special abilities to 'see' inside people, to sense their abilities, their hopes, dreams and fears. But they are almost always very clear to me. It’s usually written all over them, in their body language, the tone they use when discussing certain subjects, the interest they show when listening to others. Sometimes it’s easier when you know them well, but sometimes that makes it harder because you see our own version of them (some would accuse me of this). But whenever I see an opportunity to convey support, sincerely, I don't hold back. What may seem like a little or insignificant thing at the time, taking the risk that they would care that I care, is usually a huge boost for them. Because it is that, underneath it all, that I am communicating – that I care. Its not as risky as it sounds because I haven't found anyone yet who didn't appreciate knowing that somebody cared about them.

They say the devil is in the details, reflecting that it’s often the little things that get us down or trip us up. Don't sweat the details, right? But it’s also the positive little things that can save us, that can change our views internally. Turning the mundane into a gift by simple gestures can communicate how often we think of someone or how deeply we value them. Martha Stewart has made millions off that simple truth. We can enrich our own lives and those we love by embracing it too.

Compliments, encouragement, support, celebration and sharing; those are at the core of giving courage to others. They’re free, painless to give and usually return tenfold. In this economic climate, that’s a hell of an exchange!