Opportunity

From Evan Almighty -
GOD asks: ” If someone prays for patience, you think GOD gives them patience? Or does God give them an opportunity to be patient? If they pray for courage, does God give them courage or give them the opportunity to be courageous? If someone prays for their family to be closer, do you think God sends warm fuzzy feelings or gives them the opportunity to love each other?”

A lot of what I post here comes from a warm fuzzy place, a place of security about where I am in relation to the message I want to help get out. Its much harder to do that, to feel secure enough about getting a message out when I'm struggling to feel its truth in my own life. But its come to that.

I've been spending much less time training for my upcoming race season, much less time looking for ways to move my career forward, much more time eating and drinking what I want, much more time at this computer playing Mafia Wars and watching old DVDs than writing decent posts and finding balance in my life. And I'm increasingly more frustrated by doing what I want rather than what I should. Its the dreaded 'slide into complacency' that I've feared ever since I was relieved of my day job, and night job, and , well, any job.

So as I was lying on the couch yesterday morning at 10am, still unshowered, watching the rest of the movie the kids started before the bus came - the dialogue from the beginning of the post jumped out at me - I am being given the opportunity to pursue all that is important to me. Why, then, am I on the couch feeling sorry for myself? How did I get to this place? But more importantly, how can I get out?

Any of you that know me know that I am wonderful to be around in a crisis. When challenged I become this superwoman that you can count on for anything and nothing phases me. But give me tons of free time, relative security in finances and an open book on life and watch me stumble, watch me falter.

I want to write. I want to train. I want balance.

I haven't got the answers yet, but I did get the memo. I have been given the opportunity. Knowing that is a decent start.